Letters to the Best Place on Earth
by iWriteStuff202
Summary: British Columbia, one of Canada's provinces, is jumping on the letter-writing bandwagon! Send her letters to keep her from complete boredom. Rated for language and drug usage.
1. Intro

Hi! So, I'm British Columbia, one of Canada's provinces. I'm also the best place on Earth. No, seriously. It's like official and crap. So Disneyland can kiss my ass. Well, I'm bored and tired of being secluded (with the ocean on one side, and mountains surrounding everywhere else, it's hard to get out), so I thought maybe I'd do that letters thing everyone seems to be doing.

So, before you write to me, you should know a little bit about me, right? I mean you've probably heard of Vancouver, but that's not all there is! My name is Victoria Charlotte Fraser, and I AM A GIRL, no matter how many people mistake me for a dude. I don't get very much of the snow and cold my neighbours are always complaining about (okay, so the North and the Interior are freezing in the winter, but nobody lives there!), but I get LOTS of rain. People call me the gateway to Asia, which is awesome because I love Asians~. I also love the outdoors and being active. I have serious hockey rage (riot, anyone?), and I might have a tiny little pot addiction. I am NOT an England fangirl, anymore that is, but he's still pretty cool. I was one of his colonies for a while (three that got smushed into one, if you wanna be technical), even if it was only for a short time, so like most of his ex-colonies I see him as a big brother. I'm beautiful, and love being reminded of it often.

Oh, and I can't speak French. Not one bit. I don't get what the big deal is, but it pisses off Quebec so I'll consider it a good thing. I _do_ speak languages that aren't English, though – Mandarin, Cantonese, and Punjabi – so when my neighbours confuse me with French I can tell them to eat shit without any of them knowing it.

Compared to the rest of the provinces and territories, I'm kind of a loner – Quebec and New Brunswick have that whole French thing going on, the Rupert siblings are all close, the Maritimes are the happiest looking family you'll ever see, Ontario and Quebec are so obvious about their feelings it's sickening –, but I consider Washington and Oregon to be my bros. People joke that Hong Kong and I are twins who were separated at birth, but I really do think of him like a brother.

Well, I'm just gonna sit here and wait for some letters. Maybe I'll get high.

Oh, and Canada's making me apologize for Carly Rae Jepsen. She was good before Call Me Maybe, okay? Of course, I wouldn't have to apologize for Carly's crappy new music if Ontario had just taken Justin Bieber back…

~The beautiful British Columbia


	2. The Crazy Maritime People

_Dear British Columbia,_

_NS: Hey, Vicky! Ye arite? Nova Scotia here! Hows tha Pacific? Me an' my bros ar bored an' decided ta write ta ya!_

_CB: Oi! Dun go an' take up all da ledder-writin' space!_

_NS: As yer big sista AN' yer Boss, I can do whateva I want!_

_PEI: 'Ey, Brittany! We're doin' good! Still 'ave some unemployement goin' on, an' a bit o' a draught... An' tha Shale Gas thin'..._

_NB: S'il-vous-plaît, dun mention tha'...Oh, salut Colombie. New Acadias not here rite now, but she tol' me ta tall ye tha' she says Hi..._

_CB: Big bro Scotlan' is bedder dan Ole Anglan' any day, b'ye! Anglan's a narse!_

_NB: Write back soon..._

_-Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island and Cape Breton_

_PS- PEI: Yeh, yer a beaut, but ev'ryone knows tha' Oi'm tha most attractive province!_

Hello crazy Maritime people~ (I say that with love, okay?)

Hey Nova! It feels like forever since I last talked to you guys. Everything's pretty boring here, – no forest fires this year, nothing to riot about – but arguing with Alberta's been pretty amusing, even if he won't shut up about that stupid pipeline. Hello PEI! I know how you feel about the draught. I miss the rain~~~. I _knew_ the weather was gonna be messed up when it started snowing in April… at _my_ place, no less. Bonjour (did I spell that right?) New Brunswick! Tell New Acadia I say I 'what's up?'.

… What's a narse? Is that French or something? Either way, England's way better. Even if his Olympics weren't nearly as amazing as mine. He's pretty cool… even though he forgot my birthday… for the 141st time in a row… despite me reminding him like ten times… and even though I was _at his freaking house_ during said birthday because I wanted to see the Olympics in person… damnit I wanna hurt him so bad…

Okay BC, calm down… Okay, I just avoided a rampage there. Maybe that anger management stuff is actually working!

Peace,

~The beautiful British Columbia

PS – You're freaking hilarious, Eddy. Wait, that _was_ a joke, right? 'Cause not to sound bitchy, but everyone knows _I'm_ the hottest province around.


	3. My Bro, Washington!

_Heya bro!_

_The most beautiful pacific northwest state here. First off, gotta thank ya, man. Your people are awesome. With the economy the way it is, tourism is definitely helping me here._

_Not sure if you like wine, coffee or tea. Since you don't like Iggy-jiji (seems fitting in a way, right? *grin*) I am going to guess you're not much of a tea drinker. I have sent some of the best wine I have made. It is much better than the baka France's wine. Guess that's my opinion though. I'll send some coffee your way too. Oh and some chocolate cake. What can I say, I got a little sweettooth. Which comes in handy when eating Iggy-jiji's scones. Comes in real handy._

_Anyway, sorry I haven't visited you recently. Been majorly busy with the dry season. I love thunderstorms, but not when they cause uncontrollable fires._

_ok, have to change topic quick... oh right! So the eastern provinces don't like it that you don't speak French, huh? I will have to remember that *grin*. Do you get bullied because of it, Or do they know not to mess with you? I for one, don't want to activate your 'hockey rage' mode._

_Heard about any new games or products from Japan? You have a trade agreement with, yes?_

_ttyl,_  
_WA_

Hey bro!

*sigh* even my brother thinks I'm a guy…

No thanks needed dude. I should probably be thanking you, actually, for letting me cheat the HST by shopping at your place. And my people _are_ awesome, aren't they? I know how you feel – tourism's the main thing this side of the border, too.

Considering England practically raised us on tea, I'd rather puke than drink another cup of Earl Grey. Chinese tea is good, though. Shit, dude, this wine looks friggin' _expensive_. I'm gonna send you some ice-wine as a thank you – there's a reason I have Canada's wine capitol, after all. I'm looking forward to the coffee~. If anyone asks, it's your fault I'm addicted to Starbucks. Oh damn that cake looks good. I'm giving you Nanaimo bars for this one. Ugh, don't remind me of Iggybrow's cooking *shudders*. The only food of his I think I'll ever like is fish 'n chips.

*Sigh* I miss the rain… there's been nothing but sun for months now. I guess that's what I get for whining about the rain back in June, eh? Stupid karma, I want a storm… Anyway, when none of us are busy you, me, and Oregon should go camping.

Please don't remember that. It's not like they despise me for not speaking French – well Quebec does a little bit, but he's Quebec so that's normal – but they like to tease me about it a bit. I think it annoys them, too, 'cause they're all bilingual and I'm just like '… wuh?'. Manitoba tried teaching me French once, but I'm pretty sure everyone's accepted that it makes absolutely no sense to me. Plus, Chinese languages are more interesting.

I got a ton of new stuff, but I'm not allowed to share with you guys. You gotta come over here if you wanna play any of the new games~

Peace,

~the beautiful British Columbia


	4. Washington 2

_BC,_

_How come you got some new games? As long as I can come over when dad 'borrows' my collection. He may be called an idiot, but he's definitely the worst kind: enlightened idiot. He also definitely knows how to get us kids to do what he wants /sigh. Any new recommendations on those new games of yours? What manga/anime, books, other awesome stuff like that?_

_This wine looks good! I will have to try some here shortly. Maybe I'll save it for a celebration! I figured you could use some good wine. You never if you will need it. I will let Spokane-chan know you enjoy her present._

_I don't think you ever sent this type candy before. What is it exactly? It looks really good._

_Hmm, a campout, huh? That does sound interesting. might have to wait till next year though. Blasted fire is only 33 percent contained since it started monday. Destroyed most of my central western land. Thankfully, it is stopped at the 3rd largest area. But man, I really need it to rain. Still, wouldn't hurt to start planning now. I will let Oregon know. Any ideas where?_

_Have you been on youtube recently? Haveyou seen the 'vodka rain dance' video? Think maybe if we do a rain dance it'll work? I was thinking about trying that. Or I could just ask some of the Native Americans to help out. If it works, I will try to send some your way._

_Hmm, yeah, I thought as much. For some odd reason though, I prefer Tea over coffee. Funny and ironic when Starbucks' headquarters is in the biggest metro area in the northwest corner of the states and under your supervision. No, Cali doesn't count lol._

_Well, I am glad you like it. I would also be honored if you blame me for your coffee addiction. Now just to get dad truly addicted. Right now, he only drinks coffee at home, or at Iggy-jiji's place. Otherwise he drinks Coke. Maybe England, Spain and Russia influenced me more than I thought... so not sure if it's a bad thing..._

_I have to agree with you, Asian tea is the best! Well, sun tea is pretty good too. But only if you have Lipton lemon tea bags. I have tried it with Japan's teas, but it doesn't work as well. Although, putting tea bags from Japan in water then putting in the fridge is really good too. It is literally Ice tea, through and sweetness need be added either._

_Well, I can't say I will forget, but I promise not to say anything to them. Besides, I can't speak French either, so... I can speak Japanese though. Which helps._

_hmm, this is quite a long message... crap, boss lady looking for me. better go before she finds out i took a longer break than i was supposed to._

_ja ne,_  
_WA_

_p.s. I know many people mistake me for a guy. that's what you get when you have annoying older brothers. I think Texas did the most in that respect. crap, now!_

Hey Washington,

I get the new games first 'cause Japan and I are like totally BFF for, like, ever, ya know? This would probably be a good time to tell you that it's the middle of the night so I'm kind of loopy. Yeah, feel free to come over whenever. Sometimes I think Al's really an evil genius, waiting to drive everyone insane before he turns them into talking mochi or something… Oh my god, if I was talking mochi I'd eat myself. I swear I'm not insane, okay? I have no idea what kind of manga and anime you're into, but 'Angel Beats!' is amazing. 'Le Chevalier D'Eon' is pretty cool too, even if it's old and ridiculously French.

I'm glad you like the ice-wine. I should probably warn you that it's stronger than normal wine.

I've never sent you Nanaimo bars before?!

What.

You haven't lived until you eat Nanaimo bars. They're seriously the best food on Earth. They sell them at Starbucks, and I think at Tim Hortons too, but they're better over here where they're authentic. Nanaimo bars are basically chocolate on top of butter icing on top of wafer crumbs. Usually the icing is either vanilla or custard, but you can use whatever flavour you want, really. They're so delicious that New York, despite being oh-so-cultured or whatever, tried stealing the recipe.

And that, my friend, is your history lesson of the day.

Oh, shit dude. I didn't know it was that bad. I'm actually surprised that I haven't gotten any forest fires myself this year – last year I had a few that went on for weeks. I couldn't handle them myself, 'cause _my freaking head was on fire_, so Manitoba had to dump a bucket of water on me. Well at first I thought we should go camping in one of our own forests, since we have the most trees out of anyone I know, but then one of us would probably be bragging the whole time while the other two are just like 'FUUUU'. So maybe at California's place? Is it even possible to go camping there with all that Hollywood stuff going on everywhere? And before you say that Vancouver is the Los Angeles of Canada, which it is, remember that Cali will probably take offense to that.

I wish I had time to YouTube, but I'm kind of busy arguing with Alberta over a stupid oil pipeline that he wants to put in my backyard. It couldn't hurt to do a rain dance, though. Maybe Yukon could send us some rain? Her summer weather is like my fall weather… Maybe some of the Aboriginals around here would have some ideas, too.

You like tea more than coffee? Well, you always have been a weird one. Maybe England brainwashed you? What would America say if he heard that…? I'm guessing it would end with a freak attack. Ooh, I wanna see that~!

If they influenced you that much, then I fear for my sanity, 'cause I grew up around those guys too. If either of us tries to make magical vodka out of tomatoes, we're both going to an insane asylum, okay? But good luck with the whole 'getting America addicted' thing!

Hmm, I've never tried that before. Usually I just use tea leaves, but I'll be sure to try the iced tea thing. Pfft… teabags from Japan… I'm sorry, I'm a pervert. Also, I've been playing too much CoD lately to not go there.

Yeah, but you're not supposed to know French. I kinda have to, 'cause the rest of the country does. But Quebec doesn't speak English unless he has to, so I guess we're even. I can speak Japanese too, but only enough to get by.

Hopefully your boss doesn't get mad at you!

Oh shit… my boss is looking over my shoulder.

GO AWAY CHRISTY! WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?! AAAH MY BOSS IS A STALKER!

Sayonara,

~the beautiful British Columbia


	5. Washington 3

_Ohayo!_

_assuming of course you get this in the morning. As for speaking French... Well, let's just say it's still possible. Dad hasn't decided English would be the official language... technically we don't have one. I think the only reason he likes English is because it bothers Iggy-jiji. Although, I'm sure living with Iggy-jiji long enough will have an influence too._

_umm, yeah, I tried to tell him i like tea over coffee, every time he offers, but all I get out is 'Dad, instead of coffee can I have some-' before he laughs and continues on. I do have to agree with the evil genius thought though. I mean seriously, what do you expect from someone who acts like a child all the time? I wonder if the other nations know... I'm sure Uncle Canada does._

_Yeah, the pain from the fire is pretty unbearable, but it happens once a decade, so I've kinda learned some tricks. It all depends on the catastrophy though, so I can't give too much detail. I have tnought about dumping water over myself... but that would, again require hiding from my boss. At least until I could find the closest lake. The river wouldn't be too much fun._

_As for camping... how about Idaho? Cali doesn't really have much in the way of forests to camp in. Although the redwood forest is something to see. I'll see if Cali will let us use that._

_I'll take a look at the manga/anime you mentioned. I'm pretty open when it comes to manga. Adventure would probably be my favorite._

_I should try mixing those. Maybe give it to dad, or Iggy-jiji. I swear, sometimes I think I picked up more Russian sanity than I think at times._

_New York-niichan tried stealing your recipe? If he tries it again, just steal and hold his cheesecake recipe hostage. You might even bargain with him. He loves that recipe way too much._

_lol that's okay. I can get pretty crazy occurs with sleep deprivation and/or sugar high. higher chance with sleep deprivation..._

_till next time!_  
_WA_

Kon'nichiwa,

Huh, I didn't know that. Most people up here think your guys' official languages are English and Spanish, haha. I can't blame Al for that one, though, 'cause annoying Iggybrows is pretty fun. Even if America _does_ butcher the language…

If America actually _is_ evil, we're all in big trouble. But if either of them is, I think Matt would be the evil genius. Beneath all that quiet politeness and beavers and whatever (I don't know, I don't fit into any of the typical Canadian stereotypes) is Russia-level insanity. Sometimes I think they're gonna team up and take over the world, which would actually be pretty cool now that I think about it.

What about the ocean? Most of the time when I get a fire I just jump into the ocean and then everything's cool again.

Idaho…? Are you insulting yourself, or is that an actual place? *sigh* I know almost nothing about you Americans. Either way, sounds like a plan to me!

Oh, in that case I'll assume you've already seen Fullmetal Alchemist and not bother suggesting it. I don't watch/read a lot of adventure anime/manga, so maybe you have some recommendations? Hell Girl and Black Butler are both pretty good too, but they're horror so I'm not sure if you'd be able to handle it. Oh, that reminds me! Am I the only Legend of Korra fan around here?

If you give them magical tomato vodka, you have to record it. This is the kind of thing that's just _begging_ to be put on YouTube! Its okay, I'm pretty sure every doubts their sanity on a regular basis.

That's a pretty good idea… maybe if I steal it he'll stop calling Nanaimo bars 'New York slices' and admit that they're my recipe.

If you're crazy when you're sugar high, I wonder what you'd be like if you were actually high…

Peace,

~the beautiful British Columbia


	6. Ontario!

_BC,  
What do you mean by "obvious about their feelings "?I hate that don't remind me of Bieber._

_Your Awesome Brother,_  
_Ontario_

'Tario,

*sigh* And this only proves my theory that you and Quebec are the England and France of Canada. There's so much UST in the atmosphere around you two that it could suffocate someone! Even Nunavut can feel it, and he's just a baby! And yes, I know I'm having a fangirl moment, but you can blame that on hanging out with Japan too much. Seriously though, a conversation between the two of you can inspire a sixty-page doujinshi. I shit you not. I didn't know you were gonna see this thing and honestly didn't expect you to write me a letter when we can talk whenever we want, so I wasn't trying to remind you of Bieber. I'm just glad I didn't mention that Avril Lavigne's a bitch… oops!

'Your Awesome Brother'? Having a New Prussia moment, aren't you?

Peace,

~the beautiful British Columbia


End file.
